So this is an post from my old blogger, the one I had
before google took over. This account is actually my ORIGINAL blogger account.
So the post was originally written New Year’s 2014, but I still like the post
so, I edited it and I’m posting it here. I have to warn you now if you are NOT
a person who likes to read LONG posts...this blog probably isn't for you. I'm a
writer, I'm very passionate about my writing. I write what I think, what I feel,
what inspires me. I wanna speak from this thought (Oh God I sound like a
preacher! Haha) “The Dawning of a New Day”.
So, I'm a social media nut; I have Facebook, I have Twitter,
I have Instagram, Tumblr and all that other crap. All through my timeline I see
such inspiring posts from people about how they're gonna be this or that...okay
cool. But here's the thing: you can't be ANY of those things you say you want
to be, unless you learn to embrace who you are and where you are at the time.
People want to say I'm washing away my past...no, WRONG mindset. If you want to
turn over a new leaf the RIGHT way, you need to realize something: that
EVERYTHING in your life, happened for a reason. I know it sounds stupid but
EVERYTHING, right, wrong, good or bad that you experienced in your life-happened
for a reason. That's the one thing I've
learned over the years, is that everything happens for a reason, and there's a
purpose behind it. My life has changed so much over the last 2 years that I
feel the need to share it with you guys.
Nothing too major happened, no sickness or anything. I
just basically lived my life. I changed schools, I made new friends, lost
friends, oh, and I got a job(praise Jesus!). In 2013 and 2014 I saw God's
promises come into fruition in my life. The woman I am now, is NOTHING like the
woman I was 3...maybe 5 years ago. I've learned to cherish each moment,
appreciate the small things in life. Yeah there were some rough patches, but I
lived through it! I survived, just like I always do. You did too; no matter
what happened to you, you lived to tell the story. That is the thing that you
need to take from the hell you went through. YOU MADE IT! Life is a journey,
full of tests and storms that we as human beings all must face.
The fact that you were fortunate enough to see another
new year means something. You could have still been out there, in your mess;
but the fact that you're here, at this very juncture in life means something.
Which brings me to the topic of this blog. When midnight of January 2015 hit,
that was the dawning of a new day, a chance to start over a chance...YOUR
second chance. 2015 can be anything you want it to be. HOWEVER, there are some
things that you need or needed, to bring over from the past with you. Sit back
for a moment and think about all of the bad stuff, the ugly parts of your life...now,
what did you LEARN from it? That's right; you were supposed to LEARN from the
bad stuff. For me, 2013 and 2014 were all about patience, learning when to
speak and when not to and most of all...it was about family (Because MAN has my
family been TESTED!)
I'm honest ya'll, I am about as honest as they come;
my best friends playfully dubbed me as “the great oak”-because they say I give
off MUCH shade. Nah, I just call it like I see it. But anywho, I'm honest, I'm
opinionated and I will give you my opinion...even if it hurts your feelings,
makes you cry, I usually don't care. That's just who I am; BUT, I've
learned...that not everybody is ready for that kind of truth. I've also learned
that sometimes, you can give a person the truth, but if they refuse to see or
hear it, then there's really nothing you can do about it. The other major thing
that I've had to learn to acquire is some P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E. Cause I-me, she, her
(in my Tamar Braxton voice) has NONE! I'm quick, I like for things to happen
instantaneously. When I set my mind to something and I'm doing my part, I look
for it to happen like BOOM! ...But when that doesn't happen...well I tend to
get a little bit disappointed.
The biggest tests I've had to face are school, and
getting a job. So, I'm 24 and I've been out of school 6 years(as of May 20,
2015). Most people my age, have finished school, are living on their own, have
a job, car, relationship, ect. Me, I'm not there yet. It disappoints me when I
see so many of my former classmates and old acquaintances or people that I
admired from afar in high school, doing all of the things I WISH I could be
doing. But, People Plan and God Laughs. My school experience was, different
than most people's. I graduated high school with high hopes and expectations. I
had gotten into my dream school but...I had to defer my enrollment until the
following spring. So, I did all of the necessary paper work, got my acceptance letter,
got my financial aid packet...I got on the road went to Atlanta, got settled in
my dorm did the first week of class, made a few friends...only to find out that
my paperwork-NONE of it, paperwork, financial aid, could be found.
I was DEVASTATED; I had looked forward to this, this
was my dream; and within a matter of minutes, it was taken away from me. I had
to swallow my pride and come home. I had to hear the “That just shows you that
you weren't ready to go off to school” and “You should've stayed at home” and
“Now you can get a job and help your parents”. I became basically a former
shell of myself. I became withdrawn, depressed, suicidal (again). I didn't come
out of the house for months...then in March, I got a call saying that “a
substantial amount of money has been found in order for you to complete the
semester”. I was excited, happy elated, but my folks told me not to take the
offer.
So, I attempted to get into school at Bishop State Community
College in my hometown(the LAST place I wanted to be). Oddly enough it wouldn't
be until the following fall that I would FINALLY be enrolled there.
Flashforward to 2014 and I was still there! It bothered me, bugged me, it
PISSESED me off to be there BUT...I'm learning to be patient about the whole
situation because, I was technically junior and I didn't have ANY student loans.
I learned a lot there (academic wise), I came across some BRILLIANT
teachers(like Dr. Adrian C. Evans whom I just LOVE!). I also learned that each
time I try and step out and do things MY way, God is like “nope, it's not time,
you ain't ready yet”. It's annoying but, I'm learned to keep calm, because I
knew that my turn is coming. It took me a while but, I FINALLY left Bishop
State…yay! Now I still wanted to go to Atlanta and go to school because I was
(am) ready to get the heck out of Mobile! But God placed me right where he
wanted me to be-at the University of Mobile.
Let me tell you how God works:
UM, was NOT on my list of schools, but I had people
tell me about this school so I was like ‘okay cool, lemme apply’. I did…2 days
later, they were FLOODING my mailbox with information, like ‘Please Dee come to
UM’. I got into UM with NO problems! At first, I was excited about being there,
I really was. I absolutely LOVED UM…and then, I realized they had a problem-a
race problem. Now, I’m Black…but I ended up at a PWI (Predominantly White
Institution), I was the ONLY Black girl in a few of my classes, there were/are
NO teachers of minority. Plus, UM is a conservative Christian school…but I’m
not conservative; I have a very open mind when it comes to religion…yeah, that
didn’t clash well. It was difficult, annoying…plus, the cost of going to UM is
hella expensive; I got into debt (I legit cried when I got my student loans). I
was ready to quit, to leave; in fact, I applied to Howard and talked to my
advisors and teachers, who all completely understood where I was coming from. I
was 24 and I was one of the few Black kids at this all White, conservative,
republican Christian school. But then, after talking to my teachers, I
realized, I had the power to change things at my school…and then I prayed about
it and I decided to stay; I’m starting a Student Minority Organization on
campus this semester and lots of people are interested in it. Plus, I’m on track to graduate excuse me
while I go shout for a second! Lol. If all goes according to plan, I’ll be
walking across the stage next May.
The other thing I've struggled with, is my family.
Now, I LOVE family, or at least the concept of what it should be. I, have a
HUGE family, I'm talking on BOTH sides. My immediate family is rather large; mom,
dad, 3 brothers, 2 sisters, 10 nieces and nephews, and a dog Lol. For the most
part my family is blended; moms and pops both had kids before getting married
and having me. I grew up in a home where there was no 'step' or 'half'; my
folks just taught us that we're whole. The nieces and nephews thing is where it
gets REALLY tricky. Technically, I only have 1 nephew, and 2 nieces; however, I
count the other 7 as my nieces and nephews too (even though divorce and
remarriage happened).
I LOVE my
family, I do from the bottom of my heart, but my family has been through some
Sugar-Honey-Ice-Tea lemme tell you! My family has been tested, shaken, broken
to its core. I used to hate my family, tried to imagine it a thousand different
ways (and I still do sometimes). In fact, there's some family issues going on
right now, but the thing I've learned, is that no matter how I'm feeling about
certain things, my family is STILL going to be my family. I can be mad, pissed
off, not speaking to certain people but, at the end of the day, that's STILL
family, and I have to love them-no matter how much they piss me off, or I piss
them off.
So, to end this blog, here's my encouraging word to
you: you were given this opportunity to start over, this second chance to get
it right, do that. GET IT RIGHT! Learn to embrace the challenges that you faced
in the past, because if you lived through them, honey YOU ARE A CHAMPION! If
you have issues with someone, fix them, make it right. If they choose not to
forgive you, hey move the heck on! Look back on your past as a wiser, stronger,
smarter person. Today, is July 3, 2015…it’s 3:30 in the morning where I am, you’re
obviously alive and awake because you’re reading this. You still have a chance
to make things right. Carpe Diem-sieze the day! It's a chance to start over,
it's, the Dawning of a New Day.
I wish you nothing but peace, love, prosperity, happiness, love, good fortune,
but most of all, many, many blessings!
Shalom to you and yours,
Xx
